A Sochi Meme, Sort Of.

FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME, GET ON UP IT'S DOOR SMASHING TIME!

COOL RUNNINGS!

New Year, New City

Happy New Year and Welcome Back! I haven't written since May and that was a birthday card for Rob Ford. Many things have changed since that time- Rob Ford finally admitting he smoked crack and that he likes to dine in in his wife. So why did I stop blogging, well for one I moved away. Yes I am no longer in Toronto. I am now a New Yorker. Actually I'm hardly a New Yorker. I still say sorry when I bump into people. I've met the most amazing group of people, who have changed my life. No it's not a cult, it's my class. I'm studying at the Tisch School of the Arts in Musical Theatre Writing. Now I know what you guys are all thinking, wait a minute wasn't that girl going to law school. Well I was and I got in to law school, but in the end I decided to come here and I'm really happy about my decision. Hope to write again and hope you read again.

Happy Birthday Card for Rob Ford

Dear Rob Ford a Happy Birthday to you!

Now what is that you would like us to do?

There must be something you perhaps like.

Though your critiques, I’m sure, would want your head on a pike.

How about a Stairmaster to slim down those thighs?

Or perhaps something else that can help you get high,

Weed, crack, hashish, whatever you like to pop.

I heard your brother has a one stop shop.

We know you’re a butt man so to you I propose,

A date with herself the one the only Ms. J. Lo.

This birthday hasn’t been an easy one for ya

How about a helmet to protect you from flying cameras

Subways to run away from the press pack,

Or a good PR team pick up all the flack.

But maybe like Homer Simpson what you really need

Are the Denver Broncos, your very own football team.

Happy Birthday!

The Other Shoe Drops



The Comma Heel from 2012 collection and 2 Comma Heel's from Roger Vivier from 1950's



Ok so I haven’t written about shoes in a while. But truly I haven’t found any shoes that have excited me. Despite the recent crop of extreme shoes have come through in the last couple of seasons none of these shoes have seem to really capture my imagination. Until now! My new shoe obsession is the from Dior’s Fall 2012 collection. Coming from Raf Simon’s first show for Dior the shoe harkens back to Roger Vivier comma heel of the 1950’s. There is a strange simplicity to the shoe, but that warped heel speaks greater volume than any pieces of feathers or spikes on other shoes. I love the ergonomic heal of the shoe that just seems to defy physics and logic as well as, well, practicality. But therein lays true luxury of the item; something that doesn’t make sense and has no utilitarian purpose, it just makes our life more beautiful, more interesting. The price tag of this beauty: I don’t really know, which can only mean one thing, they are expensive as hell. But if anyone would like to purchase these lovely shoes for me, Christmas is around the corner (despite the fact that I’m Jewish I’m always willing to accept gifts.)

Putting the Simcha back in Simchat Torah

I really don’t like Simchat Torah. It's my least favorite of all the holidays. While others spend this holiday in a drunken joyful haze, I usually spend it in the corner with broken tears. This was not always the case.  As I child I loved Simchat Torah. I loved the bags of candy I received, the flags, the dancing, the tricks my brothers and I pulled on people. Simply put, no other holiday could match Simchat Torah. That all came crashing down one Simchat Torah when I was eleven years old.

Every Simchat Torah is a special occasion because everyone is supposed to receive an Aliyah (to get called up tothe Torah). It is a great honour and on Simchat Torah everyone in my synagogue (except for  the women) gets called up, even  the children. Seeing as I had not had my Bat Mitzvah yet, I was still considered a child according to Jewish Law.  When I went up to receive my Aliyah, I was pushed away by one of the men and told I was too old. I was pushed off because I was a girl because none of the boys my age were kicked off. I ran back to the  women’s section and cried to my mother. She turned around to me and said, “You go back up there, you’re still a child. You have every right to be there.” I persisted and pushed my way back up there and received my Aliyah, but I had lost my joy. I had lost my simcha for the holiday. That Simchat Torah was the last Aliyah I got.

The following years were not much better. I constantly strived to try and find that joy, that simcha again, but every year just became harder. I would try to go to other events but I landed up just sitting on the sidelines. Mostly, I would end the holiday wallowing in a corner with tears in my eyes. Basically, what I had learnt was that Simchat Torah is not a holiday for women and it's not a holiday for me.

I realized that finding my simcha was not to be through a quick fix of drunkenness or fake jubilation. I realized I would have to go far to find the simcha again. Far I went, to New York.  New York's famed Simchat Torah's Upper West Side bash. The air there filled with music and warm Kiddushes. But I was still not content; I had come to New York for one reason.

I had this revelation during my years of study in university, where I had focused on contemporary Jewish issues. I realized that since I had lost my simcha because the Aliya had been taken away from me-to gain back my simcha I would take back the Aliyah. So on Simchat Torah day I would head over to Darchei Noam, the Partnership Minyan (an Orthodox service led by both men and women) on the Upper West Side to receive my first Aliyah post-Batmivah. The day started out early.  I could barely sleep the night before, I was so excited. I was going to receive an Aliyah something that has been denied to women for so many years and had been denied to me for twelve years. I practiced my Hebrew name over and over again in my head. “ Sarah bat Zvi Jonatan v’ Chava Leah, Sarah bat Zvi Jonatan v’ Chava Leah, Sarah bat Zvi Jonatan v’ Chava Leah.” When I was going to be called up I was going to be ready.  I got up quickly, got dressed and ran like I had never run to synagogue before, over to Darchei Noam, which is housed in the Abraham Joshua Heschel School. 

As I walked in they were in the middle of Hakafot. The men were dancing on one side of the mechtiza with theTorah. The women were dancing on the other side of the mechitza with their Torah. Children were running in between the two groups, just like I used to do.

Then came the Aliyot. Unlike the synagogue I usually attend, everyone at Darchei Noam receives their own Aliyah, they are not called up in a group. Over a hundred people are called up and the same part is read over and over again. I was in one of the first batches to get called up. They told me I would have the fourth Aliyah and gave me a playing card with the number four on it. I stared at that number four with so much fear and joy; I could hardly contain my excitement. After what seemed like an eternity I was finally called up. “Yamod…” said the Gabbai.  “ Sarah bat Zvi Jonatan v’ Chava Leah”, came out of my mouth. It came out of my mouth so fast that the Gabbai had to say, “What?” ““ Sarah bat Zvi Jonatan v’ Chava Leah.” I said it a bit slower, regaining my composure. TheGabbai finally understanding sang out, “Sarah bat Zvi Jonatan v’ Chava Leah, rive’ee.”

I walked up to the Torah. In that moment I had realized that I hadn’t seen a Torah up this close in over twelve years. I came up and they handed me a cloth. I stared at this piece of cloth and thought, “What am I supposed to do with this thing.” The Gabbai hurriedly told me to kiss the cloth and then put the cloth on the Torah, "...right here". Then, I said the blessings. I sang them loud and clear, like I was a Barmitvah boy having his first Aliyah, except I sang it in tune and my voice didn’t crack. Then someone read the portion. I don’t even remember what he sounded like. I just remembered that my Aliyah ended with the word “Yisrael” What an appropriate word. My last name is Israelsohn and in that split second I knew what I had done was right. I knew that this Torah, this moment, was meant for me. I knew that I had 'gotten' my simcha back. After that I kissed the cloth a second time, read theblessing and I was done. As I came off the Bimah someone said to me “Yasher Koach” just like everyone else. I was a part of Bnei’Yisrael.

The rest of the day was a blur, I was on such a high. The only other moment I remember was when my brother was called up for his Aliyah. He strutted up there like so many times before, so at ease, so relaxed, and slowly he said his name, “Daniel Baruch ben Zvi Jonatan.” The name struck me, not his name but my father’s name- Zvi  Jonatan.  I had given my father and my mother an honour, something neither of them had received from me since I was eleven. Saying their names, I realized, became the greatest simcha of all.

What we need to do to put back the simcha in Simchat Torah is to include everyone. God gave the Torah to theenitre Jewish nation and the entire Jewish nation should be a part of that celebration.  I hope my experience is a call to all women who sit on the sidelines year after year on Simchat Torah with empty hearts wanting to get into thegame, to find their simcha.

Something To Think About When You Watch the Republican Debates

Something I've been thinking about when I see the American Republican Candidates:
The Scarecrow

"If I only had a brain"

The Tin Man

"If I only had a heart"

The Cowardly Lion

"If I only had some courage"

And Whatever

A Shoe Freak Comes Clean

If you guys didn't know I am a shoe freak. I LOVE shoes, especially tall beautiful stilletos.

Here is my new shoe fantasy. The Christian Louboutin Pensee shoe from the Spring '95 or is it '94 collection. It is I think the first to have to red sole. I love everything about these shoes from the cartoonish pop art quality, to the red sole, to the bright yellow colour, to the giant flower on the side, it just sends me into a shoe-gasm. The only thing I don't like about this shoe is the price. Originally set at $400 it is now part of Louboutins anniversary collection (and rightly so, they're so fantastic!) meaning the price has jumped up to just under  $900 dollars. Well a girl can dream. If there are any wealthy benefactors out there who would like to make a girl dreams come true I'm a size 7.